Hello Jack. Pleased to “meet” you
In an “objective” way, do not think I differ at all, from most crossdreamers here. Especially when it comes to sexual orientation. And that’s why I find this concept of crosdreaming interesting, in the first place. But identity, I believe, is much more of a “subjective” thing. Sometimes it is another thing to say you crossdream and another to identify as crossdreamer. Or not;
Anyway, I’ll try to describe my perspective. Starting with the “objective” stuff.
I’m an mtf trans person, in my mid-thirties. I am almost in every (biological and observable from the outside) way, pre-transition. Up until about three or four years ago, I lived in denial of my trans condition. Well, yes, I knew it was there, but up to some years ago, I always thought I could find a way to go on (as a cis straight man, that is), without really addressing my gender issues.
Romantically and sexually, I was always attracted to women. I adored them would be the more precise word for it (although, I find that, since I’ve started to address my gender issues, I’ve grown a bit less fanatical in that respect / still like them though
Well, yes, there also is the “having sex with the non-faced male, while having a female body”, fantasy, but it is nothing more than fantasy… In order to be actually acted out, it seams to -strictly- require the having the female body thing…
So, I would say, that in most ways, I am the typical study case for the transphobe Blanchard’s AG nonsense (it really is outrageous, the way he, without any proof, presumes that our wanting to have a female body is some sort of misdirected attraction to women, when it is common sense that strong social motivation exists for things to be quite the other way around: that, say, our adoration of women is –partly- fuelled by our craving to have a female body)
So, coming now to the more “subjective” stuff.
I like women, but since I now identify as some sort of woman myself (or, at least, as a non-man), I find that this is kind of queer.
OK, I do in general have what would be described as a man’s appearance. And I am not saying that appearances are not important. They are. But they certainly are not the only thing that is important. That’s why I identify, at least, as a non-man.
In any case, I admit that my queer identity is, at least for the time being, far more, say, political, than it is social.
It would be social if and when I’ll be able to pass as a woman.
I am a member of a, Greek language, trans an queer forum, which also acts like a kind of a local activist group. We mostly identify as trans (socially) and queer and transfeminist (politically). It is not a very strict identification (we try to be open to other perspectives too), but –still- we do tend to favor a way of thinking that goes like: “if she thinks she’s a woman, then she is one (no matter how much she has transitioned), and bash back the phobic fool that says she is not”. Well that is a way of thinking that might work a lot for some and less for others. It is not for everyone and it certainly is not fit for every phase and instance. It does make sense when one participates in radical queer “circles” of people, but makes far less sense when one has to interact with the wider society. It is nice radical thought I reckon, but nice radical thought, at many instances, has to be put down to earth, in order to serve realistic goals.
My general opinion on collective identities is that they are (or should be perceived as) fluid and “subjective”. They are there to serve social and political goals of groups of people who are in some way deprived of privilege. They have a reason to exist, as long as they serve such goals well. They are not God or Nature sent. And what’s more, they are totally on the wrong side if they are there not to fight privilege but to, in any way, retain it. I know it’s a bit of a romantic notion (since the fight of privilege, rarely comes without the building of some new privilege). But it is what it is.
Anyway, as far as s my personal perspective on crossdreaming goes, here’s how it is. I do crossdream. And as the years go by, more and more, so. It is I suppose a way of keeping sane, for me. But it also is tiresome in some ways. I do not think it is wrong, or perverse, or shamefull in any way, or degrading for women, or degrading for us as women (or any of the other bullshit that have at times been said about AG). But I do think it gets tiresome, at times. I mean, I wish I soon find a way (whether it is through actually transitioning or some other path) in which I will need to crossdream less. Fantasizing about leading a life as a woman is fine. But is fantasizing enough?
And coming now to crossdreamer as a potential collectrive identity. My concern is this. Could this lead to making an identity that could be described as such: “we are –probably- transsexual people, who, however, just can’t find a way to transition in a satisfactory for us way, so, let’s, at least, embrace our crossdreaming, by identifying as crossdreamers” ?
I mean, yes, let’s embrace our crossdreaming I am totally for that. But is that enough?
I am not saying that this is the case here. It is just a concern.
But even if it is the case, I still can respect it and I still want to understand it.
So this is my perspective, as honestly as I could put it. I sure hope I haven’t insulted anybody for that was not my intention. I just want to understand people -with whom I seem to have many things in common- and interact with them.