I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

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I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

Postby jdinatale » Wed Oct 03, 2012 4:05 pm

Ok, so I made a pros and cons list of why I may or may not be transgender. What are your thoughts?

Reasons I may be transgender:

-Literally my earliest memory is wearing my sister's clothes and loving it. I have been crossdressing ever since then.

-I started daydreaming about being a girl at age 5. It subsided for a little while, but then since the age of 13, I have sexually fantasized about being a girl every single day, multiple times a day for the past 8 years.

-I am not trying to sound crass, but my first orgasm was while wearing girl's clothes.

-Imagining myself as a woman gives me the greatest pleasure and fulfillment that I've ever experienced in life.

-I am engulfed by transgender culture. I subscribe to transgender blogs, I watch transgender video journals on youtube, I read transgender news websites. I am really fascinated by it.

-My whole sexual orientation seems defined by these crossgender feelings.


Reasons I may not be transgender:

-I have zero female likes, interests, or hobbies.

-I am very masculine

-I am going into a male dominated career path (mathematician)

-I can't imagine myself participating in stereotypical female social roles, like sitting around and doing girl's gossip hour.

-I would not want to alter my voice if I transitioned. My voice is part of my identity.

-I would say that I am attracted to women, but I've never really envisioned myself as a lesbian. I have never been attracted to lesbian pornography.

-I see old ladies and I'm like, "lol, no. I don't want to look like them." They seem to weak and frail.

-When I'm done fantasizing, the feelings subside temporarily.


Other factors:

-I am romantically and somewhat physically attracted to women, but I don't really get too sexually attracted to them. If I do, it's very weak compared to my crossgender sexual attraction. My so called "crossgender sexual attraction" involves me fantasizing about being a woman and sometimes having sex with men (because it makes me feel more like a female).

-I could never relate to the other guys in the locker room who would boast about "banging girls." I don't get normal sexual feelings towards girls. I've never thought, "Man, I would love to have sexual intercourse with this girl."
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Re: I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

Postby Zamyou » Wed Oct 03, 2012 5:33 pm

Hmm you sound like a transgender to me with autogynephilic sexual orientation
.
Are you dysphoric? Would you be happier as a woman or androgyneous? Do you feel like
you would enjoy being more feminine or masculine? Do you have non-sexual fantasies
of wanting to be a girl? There is a lot that defines one person..
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Re: I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

Postby jdinatale » Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:39 pm

Zamyou wrote:Hmm you sound like a transgender to me with autogynephilic sexual orientation
.
Are you dysphoric? Would you be happier as a woman or androgyneous? Do you feel like
you would enjoy being more feminine or masculine? Do you have non-sexual fantasies
of wanting to be a girl? There is a lot that defines one person..


I don't have non-sexual fantasies about being a woman. That leads me to believe that I am not transsexual, since my gender issues are sex driven.

For instance, today at school, I was really anxious and depressed throughout class because I thought I was a transsexual and I got to thinking how I should transition. But then when I came home and masturbated to these fantasies, suddenly the desires left me. But then the desire came back again!

It's the same old pattern every day - I think I'm transsexual, I masturbate to the idea, and then it goes away temporarily, only to come back and the cycle repeats.

There is no resolution in my life. Just one endless sequence of events.

What should I do?
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Re: I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

Postby rhoops » Thu Oct 04, 2012 5:31 am

Psychologist Anne Vitale has an article you need to read:

http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm

Evidently in some men gender dysphoria is caused by testosterone.

This can result in an unfortunate cycling between male and female when hormones are involved.

Many people have said that the real test to determine whether you are transsexual is to take estrogen. That will automatically reduce your testosterone and your libido. If it takes away your desire to be female, you have found your answer. Transition will hold no satisfaction for you.

However if you feel great contentment and greater desire to be female while under the influence of estrogen, then you may very well be transsexual.

If you haven't had a long term sexual relationship with a woman, you might give that a try. I think I'm probably transsexual, but I've been fighting against it much of my life. I've been married 30 years and much of the time I was able to forget about my body and concentrate on my wife's body. In a close sexual relationship it's possible to forget which body is yours if you really try.

When we are chest to chest, I can imagine that those large breasts are mine. While having intercourse I can look at our pubic regions and see no visible penis. It's possible to image that the penis has either disappeared or belongs to her. I've even had her put her legs together and spread my legs wide and then imagined that our roles were reversed.

For me it's truly a matter of "Becoming what we love". http://www.annelawrence.com/becoming_what_we_love.pdf

I really envy my wife's sexual capacity. She can have 5 or 6 orgasm's to my one. My love and desire for the female body has made me a very excellent lover. I would really, really like to have a female body, but SRS is expensive and the results are not entirely predictable. It certainly takes time and money. A year of RLT and hormones and plenty of counseling then months of disability and perhaps a year or more for a full recovery.

For you, the bottom line could be that you don't see yourself as lesbian and don't want to have sex with a man. That doesn't leave much of anybody but yourself as a sexual partner. I don't see much of a future in that.
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Re: I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

Postby Stevie » Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:45 pm

jdinatale wrote:I don't have non-sexual fantasies about being a woman. That leads me to believe that I am not transsexual, since my gender issues are sex driven.


I appear to be alone in this but I tend to hold the opposite view. The only real difference between men and women is the sexual roles they play. If your reason for transition isn't sexual then it's just that you identify with all of the cultural baggage that is assigned to "women" rather than the cultural baggage assigned to "men." That may be a legitimate reason for transition but it certainly can't be biologically based. On the other hand, If you are only able to be sexually aroused as a woman, there may be some biological basis for it. If you take away the libido and you still want to be a "woman" then your transgenderness is based in culture and not biology. Nothing wrong with that.

So, what's wrong with my thinking?
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Re: I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

Postby Eleanor » Thu Oct 04, 2012 11:59 pm

rhoops wrote:Many people have said that the real test to determine whether you are transsexual is to take estrogen. That will automatically reduce your testosterone and your libido. If it takes away your desire to be female, you have found your answer.

This fails to recognise nurture as playing any part. Even when fantasizing about being a woman is just sexual, the aesthetics can crossover to every other area in life over time. So if the sexual part were to disappear, one may be left with the affinities in other areas of life created by it. Like if a heterosexual man suddenly has a hormone imbalance and has an influx of oestrogen, he isn't suddenly going to be attracted to men, as he has a lifetime of thinking in particular way
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Re: I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

Postby Lindsay » Fri Oct 05, 2012 12:34 am

Eleanor wrote:
rhoops wrote:Many people have said that the real test to determine whether you are transsexual is to take estrogen. That will automatically reduce your testosterone and your libido. If it takes away your desire to be female, you have found your answer.

This fails to recognise nurture as playing any part. Even when fantasizing about being a woman is just sexual, the aesthetics can crossover to every other area in life over time. So if the sexual part were to disappear, one may be left with the affinities in other areas of life created by it. Like if a heterosexual man suddenly has a hormone imbalance and has an influx of oestrogen, he isn't suddenly going to be attracted to men, as he has a lifetime of thinking in particular way


I think what Rhoops is trying to say is something like this:
Transsexuals will often say that they can never know for sure whether they should physically transition until they begin taking hormones—if they find that they like the changes in their body and the way they feel, then it was the right decision; if not, then it was the wrong one. While not a particularly helpful bit of advice, it is consistent with my own personal experience. I honestly was not 100 percent sure that transitioning would ease my gender dissonance until after my first few weeks of being on female hormones. The way they made me feel, and the subsequent changes they brought about in my body, just felt ... right. There is really no other word to describe it.

Serano, Julia (2009-05-20). Whipping Girl (p. 86). Seal Press. Kindle Edition.
"The thing is you see what you want to see and you hear what you want to hear, dig?" the Pointed Man
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Re: I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

Postby rhoops » Fri Oct 05, 2012 2:14 pm

It's not at all unheard of for a transsexual undergoing HRT to find that the object of their affection changes after a while. Some MTF's that were sure they would be lesbian find that they are attracted to men eventually. It's very complex and there are wide variations among different people.
Eleanor wrote:Like if a heterosexual man suddenly has a hormone imbalance and has an influx of oestrogen, he isn't suddenly going to be attracted to men, as he has a lifetime of thinking in particular way
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Re: I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

Postby Lindsay » Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:41 pm

rhoops wrote:It's not at all unheard of for a transsexual undergoing HRT to find that the object of their affection changes after a while. Some MTF's that were sure they would be lesbian find that they are attracted to men eventually. It's very complex and there are wide variations among different people.


As an example of variation, I'm sexually attracted to straight guys but not gays. It's the female inside me that determines this. So as a guy this will never be fulfilled. If I was to transition, I would be able to meet this need. As a guy, sex with females is an adequate substitute.
Last edited by Lindsay on Fri Oct 05, 2012 9:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I made a pros/cons why I may be transgender. Advice?

Postby Eleanor » Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:08 pm

Lindsay wrote:
Eleanor wrote:
rhoops wrote:Many people have said that the real test to determine whether you are transsexual is to take estrogen. That will automatically reduce your testosterone and your libido. If it takes away your desire to be female, you have found your answer.

This fails to recognise nurture as playing any part. Even when fantasizing about being a woman is just sexual, the aesthetics can crossover to every other area in life over time. So if the sexual part were to disappear, one may be left with the affinities in other areas of life created by it. Like if a heterosexual man suddenly has a hormone imbalance and has an influx of oestrogen, he isn't suddenly going to be attracted to men, as he has a lifetime of thinking in particular way


I think what Rhoops is trying to say is something like this:
Transsexuals will often say that they can never know for sure whether they should physically transition until they begin taking hormones—if they find that they like the changes in their body and the way they feel, then it was the right decision; if not, then it was the wrong one. While not a particularly helpful bit of advice, it is consistent with my own personal experience. I honestly was not 100 percent sure that transitioning would ease my gender dissonance until after my first few weeks of being on female hormones. The way they made me feel, and the subsequent changes they brought about in my body, just felt ... right. There is really no other word to describe it.

Serano, Julia (2009-05-20). Whipping Girl (p. 86). Seal Press. Kindle Edition.


I responded stating that if one were to become unable to be aroused, there is still the likelihood that one may then not be able to distinguish between feelings and feelings influenced by the sexual. Also the feelings influenced by the sexual aspect could be the psychological basis for a positive judgement of the effects of hormones.

rhoops wrote:It's not at all unheard of for a transsexual undergoing HRT to find that the object of their affection changes after a while. Some MTF's that were sure they would be lesbian find that they are attracted to men eventually. It's very complex and there are wide variations among different people.

Still it would be rather crude to attribute this to the effects of hormones. Attraction for the most part transcends the petty cultural styles based on the sexes, what we desire and how we think can be very different under different circumstances. I often think to which degree would people be effectively bisexual if brought up in a society which didn't enforce attraction or suppression either way. I expect it would be very very high!

Lindsay wrote:I'm sexually attracted to straight guys but not gays. It's the female inside me that determines this. So as a guy this will never be fulfilled.

Flamboyant gay men occupy a strange place or the world of attraction. Rarely do neither straight woman or gay men find a hyper feminine man attractive, they want some degree of stereotypical "macho man". I'm not sure what you mean about this female inside of you, but In the crossdreaming fantasy it is the same, the more masculine the man, the more you will feel feminine in relation.
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